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    In Arabic There Are Eleven Stages of Love

     

    by Katya Vondermuhll

    ​

     

    Hawa alaqah kalaf

    ishq sha’af shaghaf

    jawaa taym tabl

    ​

    tadleeh

    ​

    huyum

    ​

    I love.

    ​

    I am a breath

    blown back

    and forth, rising

    and falling, the tip

    of the branch, it clinches

    my flesh, a lesion

    now red.

    ​

    In Beirut I had to cover

    my forearm. You had left

    the mark of your thumb.

    ​

    The healed man

    from the Gospels

    goes back

    to the pool

    of Silouan

    and pulls

    the clay

    from his eyes.

    I want

    to be blind

    again.

    ​

    In the market square

    a camel is covered

    with tar. I am

    burning. Is it true

    there is relief

    in this ritual?

    ​

    I want to know you really want

    it. Look at me! Look

    me in the eyes.

    ​

    The first stage

    of destruction

    is called

    shaghaf. This

    is when it has spread

    to the spleen. This

    is the stage

    before grief.

    ​

    In a small space

    a few leagues

    from the market sits

    the ewe, her head

    bowed, awaiting

    slaughter. For now

    she is happy, her milk

    flows.

    ​

    What is your obsession

    with this phrase?

    Tell me.

    I will not say it.

    Just once?

    No.

    ​

    Tabl is malady. The dressmaker

    takes the damask cloth and tears

    it into many pieces. Here, look!

    Look what I’ve made for you.

    ​

    In the Hamad it is so black

    you cannot see

    the stars. At night it is as cold

    as the northern sea.

    ​

    Hamza, the glottal stop, the catch

    in your voice.

    You cannot see it.

    It is something that is felt

    in the throat.

    ​

    Habibti, habibti, my love,

    my dear. I hear you say

    this to your daughter. I love

    you, habibti. I love

    you so much.

    ​

    My lips are closed. I am ended.

    I am the yaa’ as in yell

    and breeze. The crushed

    s with the two dots

    beneath its belly. This

    is the last letter

    of your alphabet. This

    is the last time I am

    asking

    ​

    Say it!

    ​

    No.

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